They have tied me up. He wanted it with absolute devotion. And I loved it.I asked for it myself. I volunteered yelling Yoooo! When they proposed it. Forty eyes looking at me simultaneously, perhaps surprised to see me anxious to be tied up, but that’s the way it was, and I assure you that the first surprised one was me.It all started when I entered the room, with a handkerchief over my eyes and guided by a woman who forced me to be silent during the session, she only allowed me to pronounce ‘Dominatrix London’, our safe word, if I wanted to leave the game.Upon entering I smelled burning wax, I imagined myself surrounded by candles, but precisely romantic visualizations did not awaken me. He saw hides, whips and very dark passions. I was nervous, I didn’t know what to expect that afternoon.I felt firm hands on my body and a word: “Easy”. I knew it was the voice of my master.
They have tied me up. He wanted it with absolute devotion. And I loved it.I asked for it myself. I volunteered yelling Yoooo! When they proposed it. Forty eyes looking at me simultaneously, perhaps surprised to see me anxious to be tied up, but that’s the way it was, and I assure you that the first surprised one was me.It all started when I entered the room, with a handkerchief over my eyes and guided by a woman who forced me to be silent during the session, she only allowed me to pronounce ‘Platypus’, our safe word, if I wanted to leave the game.Upon entering I smelled burning wax, I imagined myself surrounded by candles, but precisely romantic visualizations did not awaken me. He saw hides, whips and very dark passions. I was nervous, I didn’t know what to expect that afternoon.I felt firm hands on my body and a word: “Easy”. I knew it was the voice of my master.
I consider myself playful but “vanilla”. This is what people who practice Dominatrix London call those who perform conventional sexual practices, according to Martina González Veiga, psychologist and sexologist and director of the Con Mucho Gusto sexology center.There are several explanations for the origin of this term. The one that most convinces Ishai Bravo, Con Mucho Gusto’s advisor on alternative sexualities and Co-founder of the Peer Rope Encorda2 SCQ, is this delicious analogy offered by an activist from the ‘gay leather’ community in the 90s: “It’s like if you went into the Italian ice cream parlor of your dreams, full of thousands of colors, flavors and textures and asked for a vanilla ice cream “.
Acronyms referring to ‘Bondage’, to bind or to be tied, Domination / submission and SadoMasochism , or pleasure through pain. To these we add the concept ‘Kinky’ or person that regularly includes practices that depart from conventional heteronormative and monogamous sexuality. For example, if a person practices the exchange of couples, makes love in public places with risk of being seen, attends sexual activity parties or dresses as a cheerleader to practice intercourse, it would be ‘kinky’ according to Ignasi Puig Rodas, psychologist clinician and sexologist, specialist in alternative sexualities, unconventional couple relationships and new parenting.
Although for him, BDSM would be included within the term ‘Kinky’. Assures thatBeing ‘kinky’ does not imply that you have to like everything, everyone lives it in their own way and enjoys a certain range of practices. The question is that you dare to do it and be happy with it.Romantic BondageIshai Bravo was my master, my first master and maybe the only one, or not.Both he and Martina offered us a sample of what they call ‘Romantic Bondage’ in the past Conference on Sexology Update, organized by the Andalusian Institute of Psychology and Sexology, led by Doctor Paco Cabello.
And this comfort zone unleashed my unknown desire to be tied up. I assure you that many of my colleagues identified me more with the role of domination, as they later confessed to me.According to its creators, the ‘Romantic Bondage’ speaks of erotic enrichment, providing new tools to play, communicate and benefit sexual relations. It broadens the range of erotic possibilities, with alternative games and practices adapted to ‘vanilla’ relationships. Likewise, it makes sexual diversity visible and destigmatizes practices that move away from the conventional from information and knowledge.”The games with restrictions, such as the ropes, for example, can help to let go, to surrender to the sensations and to improve the confidence in couple,” says Martina.
And above all it is an invitation to develop our most playful side.Its name comes from a literary subgenre that combines romantic novels with alternative sexual practices. Being a set of resources and techniques extracted from Dominatrix London to apply in ‘vanilla’ relationships.In later conversations with my rigger, I was soaked in my master’s knowledge. I was surprised that he did not consider himself ‘kinky’ being a practitioner of ‘Romantic bondage’, and yes ‘vanilla’. Intentionality marks the border more than practice itself, Ishai says. “If I tie to cause pain it is sadomasochism, if I do it to dominate it is domination and if it were to immobilize I would call it ‘bondage’. In all of them I tie, but the intention is very different,” he explains.
The brain gives the nuance, not the strings. The rope helps you connect with the person by being intimacy, caring and a romantic dance. When untying, he wants to hug, kiss, it is not to penetrate what is going through his head, he says. And there is not necessarily a sex drive.He confessed to me that, in intimacy and nudity, that sexual ingredient can appear, even genital. However, tying in public you only enjoy the connection, there are no erections, it is like when you enjoy hugging. A non-genital sexual game.My master assures that ‘bondage’ is for some a sexual game and for others a way of life, with very different currents and ways of living it.
He, without being an expert in Japanese ‘shibari’ or ‘bondage’, feels it as a true art. In addition, each person who ties gives him a different ‘feeling’ and this determines how he ties or if he decides not to tie, says Ishai.With his pair of strings he is passionate, he uses the strings as if they were steel covered with silk, he feels them as an extension of his body that he uses to caress, dress, embrace, transmit and communicate.
A pleasure to be dominated, like ‘vanilla’, by a master who respects so much what his strings caress.Safe, Sensible and ConsensualThese are the basic rules of the game, always based on respect, although there would be little additional safety rules. Having a flashlight and blunt-tipped scissors, for example, would be essential if the power went out or the tied person had to be unleashed urgently. Also, not everyone should practice bondage. You have to learn to do it correctly beforehand so as not to run risks.
Ties know what they are doing, it is not about making sailor knots and experimenting with your partner. It could be extremely dangerous…. And then I took off my handkerchief and I saw a tender and kind master, dressed, without leathers, a lighted room, nothing was dark except my imagination. Of course, there was a woman on the ground, tied and surrounded by candles. That wanted to be me, in my mirage. They asked for a volunteer to show how she tied herself, all very aseptic, dressed, without involvement or sexual intent, a tutorial on basic ‘bondage’ and ‘vanilla’. Perfect. No one can take the experience away from me, I thought. That was when I screamed torn Yoooo! And my master, he tied me up.